Scientific Vocabulary

I received this attached to an email ages ago, but since I'm a science geek I thought I would share :)


"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT" These data are practically meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS" An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN" This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT" I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE" Once
"IN CASE AFTER CASE" Twice
"IN A SERIES OF CASES" Thrice
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" Wrong.
"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS" Rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS" A wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA" Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS" I don't understand it
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES" They don't understand it either.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY" A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD" I quit
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"I haven't bothered to look up the reference
"IT IS BELIEVED" I think
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED" A couple of other guys think so too
"IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE TO ASSUME" If you believe this, you'll believe anything
"OF GREAT THEORETICAL IMPORTANCE" I find it kind of interesting
"OF GREAT PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE" I can get some mileage out of it
"3 SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR FURTHER STUDY" The others didn't make sense, so we ignored them
"THE 4 HOUR SAMPLE WAS NOT STUDIED" I dropped it on the floor
"THE 4 HOUR DETERMINATION MAY NOT BE SIGNIFICANT" I dropped it on the floor, but scooped most of it up
"THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE RESULTS IS UNCLEAR" Look at the pretty artifact
"IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITIVE ANSWERS" The experiment was negative, but at least I can publish the data somewhere
"IT MIGHT BE ARGUED THAT" I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it
"MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED" This paper is not very good, but neither are all the others in this miserable field
THESE INVESTIGATIONS PROVED HIGHLY REWARDING" My grant is going to be renewed
"I THANK X FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENTS AND Y FOR USEFUL DISCUSSIONS ON THE INTERPERETATION OF THE DATA" X did the experiment and Y explained it to me